It is not uncommon to have a client in session respond to “how are you feeling?” with ‘‘I don’t know how I feel?” or “I don’t feel anything”. On some occasions I’ll gently point the client to the fact that their leg has been quivering, their suddenly struggling to maintain eye contact or their taking more laboured breaths. We will then investigate a little more and we may find that the person is in fact having a big emotional reaction and but may be struggling to recognise or name the emotions. We can begin to wonder how often this has happened before and how much has been missed because of a limited or lack of emotional awareness.
Simply put, emotional awareness is the ability to recognise, name and understand our emotions and their impact on ourselves and others. Thankfully, emotional awareness is something that can be learnt, developed, and practiced. We will engage further on a future post about the things that influence or hinder the development of emotional awareness. But let’s start with the what.
The phases of emotional awareness that we’ll be talking about here are the ability to recognise THAT you are feeling, know WHAT you are feeling and then investigate WHY you are feeling.
- Recognise THAT…
- Name WHAT…
- Investigate WHY …
Lets unpack.
Phase 1: The ability to recognise THAT you are feeling.
First things first, we need to be able to recognise that there is an emotional reaction taking place. These reactions can be experienced differently from person to person but there are commonly co-occurring physiological reactions. This may feel like a tight chest, ringing ears, headache, a dry throat, sweaty palms, tense shoulders, pain in the neck and the list goes. If not tuned-in these symptoms could be interpreted as just physical issues and there may be no further psychological curiosity.
For example, I know when I’m anxious I feel a tightness in my chest and when I’m sad or disappointment it’s more of a heaviness in my chest (like someone is sitting on it). These physical symptoms can act as pointers to me when I’m not being present and connected, for whatever reason. I can then say, “okay Thato, you’re having this physical response again. What is happening here” and engage with the physical feeling with more curiosity and intentionality.
Note: it would be important to eliminate medical conditions that may be causing physical symptomology in taking this approach.
Our body is communicating with us about our internal worlds. Too often our lack of awareness limits our ability to connect with our emotions, needs and areas for growth.
My task for you this week is to pay a little more attention to your body. Pay attention to what happens in your body when you arrive or log into work or school. Pay attention to your body if you talk to your parents this week. Pay attention to your body at the beginning of the day versus the end of the day. Just pay a little more attention.
(Continue with the Phase 2: WHAT and Phase 3: WHY in the upcoming posts)
Soft Landings 