Okay, so through phase 1 we are paying a little more attention to our bodies and we’re more aware that the physiological sensations we are having may be communicating things about our internal worlds. Now it’s time to think about what is being communicated.
Phase 2: The ability to name WHAT you are feeling?
This is the task of naming the emotion. Is the uncomfortable sensation in my stomach anxiety, sadness, jealousy, frustration…a combination of multiple emotions?
Naming feelings can pose a challenge for people. Sometimes “good or bad”/ “happy or sad” feels simpler and sufficient but can in-fact be too broad and non-descript. Zooming into the specifics of the emotion can help provide more clarity, assist the emotion to feel more manageable and guide us in the direction of the WHY (phase 3). A foundational strategy that therapists often use is helping clients accurately label or name emotions. You may have heard your therapist say something like, “it sounds like you were really disappointed” or “I can hear how connected you felt”. This helps the client feel heard and understood; and secondly, assists with providing some containment for big and sometimes overwhelming thoughts and feelings. Lastly, through the reflection, the therapist is showing the client how to name emotions which the client can then start to integrate outside of therapy.
If naming feelings is something you struggle with, a first step may be to google “emotion chart”. Print it out and put it on your wall; or download it on your phone. Somewhere easily accessible. This can help you to start growing your vocabulary around emotions and be more intentional about integrating emotion language.
Phase 3: The ability to investigate WHY you are feeling?
Once we have been specific about naming our emotions, we can start to look for clues in our external and internal world to point us to what the feeling is being shaped or influenced by. The WHY?
So, there is discomfort in your chest, you recognise this is probably anxiety. You can then make observations about your context to get more information. Let’s say the emotion is getting stronger as you get closer to a presentation you’ll be giving in a meeting tomorrow OR you feel anxious after a call with a family member. The observations we make can help us draw links between events, thoughts and our emotions. Sometimes these links are clear and less complicated like the presentation for example, it’s not surprising you may be anxious before you present.
However, there are less linear examples that require more investigation, illustrated in the above example. What about speaking to your family member brought about the anxiety? Is it that specific family member? Is it the topic being discussed? Was there something else that happened in your environment around the time of the phone call? One would need to ask questions that lead to other questions and so forth.
These types of investigations can be done in therapy, as it can be super helpful to have an outside voice to help you think through the questions.
The why provides the context around the emotion. The why helps us understand ourselves, and our responses-that we sometimes feel are out of our control or random. The investigating can be empowering and can actually allow us to think about tools or strategies to better manage.
A helpful starting point may be:
When did this feeling start?
When last did I feel this way?
Are there any similarities to the last time I felt like this?
Soft Landings 